Overall Health Burn Out

Image: Pinterest, Artist Unknown

This month has been tough. Overall in the month of January I've had 7 hospital and doctors appointment and I have 2 left to do, and that doesn't include the in between trips to have bloods drawn and running errands. It's been a whirlwind of physical and emotional strain and my body is definitely making sure I know that it isn't happy about the sheer amount of extra activity it's had to do. Everything is flaring, muscles, joints, fatigue, blood sugars; even my acne has stopped responding to the antibiotics and is freaking out, and I honestly think that it's partly due to how exhausted I am.

People speak a lot about Diabetic Burnout: when you struggle to keep your blood sugars under control and the stress and physical tiredness from rollercoaster blood sugars just makes you give up trying. It's so exhausting trying to go the extra mile for a body that doesn't want to respond to the gesture of looking after it in the way it should. It's like going out of your way to look after a child that wants extra attention and then that child just continues to strop and tantrum even though you worked so hard to try and keep them happy.. it makes you resent your body.

I think the Diabetes Burnout analogy can be used for any illness. I feel the exact same way towards my fibromyalgia when it's not playing fair, to my acne when I've done nothing but drink water and not treated myself to a Diet Coke or an indulgent treat and it still doesn't get better. Right down to my allergies when they're literally not letting me breathe like I should be able to even though I've kept away from my triggers. And right now my whole body is that moody child; having the mother of tantrums even though the reason I'm doing all this extra activity is to find answers to help my body work better.

This month I've seen a respiratory specialist, a neurologist, a couple of nurses, a couple of GPs, I've had a high resolution CT scan, a barium swallow, I've had my blood drawn 3 times and I need to do it one more time, and I'm having a full lung function test, neuropathy testing and awaiting a date for a brain MRI.

Sometimes I have days where I want to make it a priority to put my health first: drink only green and herbal teas, drink over 2 litres of water, making sure I'm getting some form of physio done and making sure I'm properly resting. And then I get days like today: I had a sugary cup of tea, I've barely drunk any water and it's nearly 2.30pm, and I catch myself staring into space wondering what to do with my incredibly tired and broken body and mind. I guess like with anything, you have to accept somedays you need a 'break' from obsessing over your stubborn body; but it's finding the balance between giving your mind a break from the full time job of a chronically ill body and not burning out/giving up completely.

So on the days where I find myself free from hospital and doctors appointments I will allow myself to move as slow as I need, and look after myself the best of my abilities, depending on what abilities I have on that particular day. And if I have that moment of "I've been through so much so I'm going to have X, Y and Z even though it's not good for me" then I will forgive myself afterwards and try and move forward in a more gentle, healthier way.